I look better un-naked...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
