There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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