We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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