Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
