He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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