I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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