your thong is hanging out like whoa
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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