I just cut my nipple shaving
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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