Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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