My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will be naked everywhere
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize