I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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