I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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