All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
