so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
