I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
