Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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