I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
