when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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