Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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