I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
