Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
