"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize