I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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