I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
