i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
