Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
