Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
