Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
