Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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