If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
