at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
