what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
