everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
