Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
