I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize