Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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