I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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