I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
