So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
