I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
