dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize