Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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