Just fell off a train. Bad.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
