Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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