Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
