he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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