dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
