why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
