I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize