the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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