Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
