She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
