no, he came in my armpit
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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