I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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