So drunk its hurt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
