thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
