in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
