Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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