he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
