she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize