Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
