it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
