i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
