dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
