Already got asked if we're dating
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
