cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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