i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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