last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
