I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
