I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
