I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
