Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
