Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
