she was so not down for the gang bang
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
