all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We had sex on a dog bed..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
