a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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