there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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