Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
