you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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