it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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