i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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